Category Archives: Relationships

How to improve your relation?

cafe-classy-coffee-heels-jewelry-kiss-Favim.com-75471— By: Alexandra Kinias —-

A strong healthy relationship is every woman’s dream and its succes becomes a source of joy in her life. A relationship that is not working can emotionally drain those involved in it. Relations are like investments. We get out of them what we put in them. And as there are some aspects of the relationships we can’t control, yet we have the power to make certain decisions and choices.

How to achieve a healthier relationship

1. Don’t Rush the Relationship:
The acceleration in planning the future of a relationship scares men away. Your man lived a fulfilling life before he met you and because he included you in his life doesn’t mean that he is ready to give up his freedom and to settle down. A romance to succeed requires a lot of patience, hard work and intelligence. A relationship needs to be nourished and to grow organically.

2. Men Belong to Themselves:
Don’t be fooled that because a man says ‘I love you’ it means that you own him. With the understanding that you can’t change anyone, don’t attempt to control your man and to maneuver the relationship towards a direction that he is not emotionally or mentally ready for. By doing so you are giving him the excuse to run away and you will be left in despair, disappointment and depression.

3. Don’t Read too much Between the Lines:
If a man tells you he treasures your friendship, then that’s exactly his intention; a friendship. If you think that there is a coded message in his words or in his silence, which you will be able to decipher if you stick around, you are mistaken. There are absolutely no codes hidden in his unspoken words. Don’t confuse a friendship with a love affair. Be confident that if a man is interested in more than just a friendship, he will convey the message loud and clear. If he doesn’t, just cut the relationship and walk away. If he can’t make up his mind, most probably he won’t. Clinging to uncertainty will just prolong your pain and postpone your humiliation.

4. Intelligence is Sexy:
First impressions are important, and as most books are still judged by the cover, most women are judged by the first impression they make. Yes it is not fair and we can debate it endlessly, but it is the truth, unfortunately. However, in the long term it is your company that a man wants to spend time with not your looks. Beauty fades and looks change. A man’s attraction to your physical appearance may get you so far into a relationship, but it may not guarantee its continuation. His captivation with your intellect would.

5. Strength Attracts:
Be strong, set boundaries and stop being a needy drama queen. Don’t feel sorry for yourself and stop playing the victim role. Strength, self-confidence and high self-esteem have more allure than weakness. Don’t compromise your pride and self-respect. If a relation is not going anywhere then stop trying hard to be make it work or to be a better girlfriend. Just walk away and save yourself the humiliation and embarrassment. The harder you try to salvage a broken relationship, the more the misery and humiliation you encounter.

6. Space – Space – Space
Smothering is hazardous to relationships. It is a sign of insecurity, control and obsessiveness; the basic ingredients for relationships’ repellents. Too much affection is a sign of emotional insecurity just as too little affection. Avoid being emotionally demanding. Men need room to breath. He is not the center of your world so don’t revolve your life around his agenda. As much as men enjoy being cared for and loved, they still enjoy their space.

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Estrogen vs Testosterone –

Cinderella-and-Prince-Charming-disney-couples-6174842-1024-768

— By: Alexandra Kinias —

Disney’s fairy tales made us believe that Princes fall in love with lumberjacks’ daughters they meet in the forests, because they are bored with all the beautiful princesses living in all the castles in all the corners of the animated movies. And after the Prince asks the lumberjack for his daughter’s hand in marriage, they ride together into the sunset. The birds chirp on the trees and the royal couple lives happily ever after. The movie ends with a song that leaves us with misty eyes and a happy heart filled with hope that our prince charming is just a few castles away.

We love these happy endings in spite that they alter the perception of reality in young girls’ minds. In real life when the prince falls out of love, ends a relationship and rides alone looking for another lumberjacks’ or fishermen’s daughter, the ex-princesses are left in shock and bewilderment. With a plummeting self-esteem, a broken heart and battling pangs of rejection, they wonder what happened to the eternal love they were promised on their rides into the sunsets. It is not fair though that Disney Princesses don’t have to live in the real world or fall in love with real men.

Who is to blame for the failure of a relationship?

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Since it takes two to tango, men constitute half of the equation in any relationship. Even though they are rarely the innocent party, yet it is still not fair to throw all the blame on their shoulders. Women are responsible for their share as well. And often, they misinterpret men’s behavior towards them, which drives them to become victims of their own misconceptions. They cling to failed relationships to postpone confrontations that  – no matter how much they avoid – would eventually lead them to the painful, yet, inevitable truth.

The ‘M’ word

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The vast majority of women get involved in relations with the desire to get married. Other than the obvious reasons to settle down and start a family, in some cultures women get married because of social, peer and family pressure, fear of loneliness, financial gain or a change of status. Marriage is a status symbol for women in cultures where unmarried middle aged women are looked down on. On the other hand, men start relationships for different reasons than women. And thus women’s expectations from a relationship are much higher than men’s, and so are their disappointments when it ends.

Men are curious creatures who are often confused. They are curious to learn more about you and confused about what they really want out of a relationship. An interest to know you better doesn’t mean your man is ready for a commitment. No one knows for sure what goes on in men’s minds. The majority of men would avoid commitment for as long as they can get by. They could be waiting for scientists to find life in another galaxy so they can plan the honeymoon. They might have taken a Cub Scout oath that he will never love another woman more than his kindergarten teacher. Or, they can’t get married until medical researchers discover a vaccine for stupidity. The point is it doesn’t matter. We are living in a world where women are on the receiving end of the engagement ring. And because of that women invest more time and emotions into relations and are more affected by their dynamics and outcomes.

In pursue of an engagement ring, a woman would ignore the flaws in the relationship and perhaps hope to win a man’s heart. But falling in love is not always enough reason for men to pop a marriage proposal. And men if are pressured to do so, while they are not yet emotionally or mentally ready to settle down, the pull back. A woman should pay close attention to changes in her man’s behavioral patterns. If all of a sudden a man is busy to call or to answer your call, he is breaking promises, playing games, becoming discreet or simply unavailable, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and not to defend or justify his behavior.

It is understandable that relations are addictive. Even if the neon signs are flashing in front of their eyes urging them to walk away, some women would cling to false expectations. They would waste their time in a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling in anticipation that the men will change. Unfortunately, they don’t. It’s important to realize when is the time to move on to save themselves from the emotional havoc that is coupled with post rejection trauma.

Six Tips for a More Successful Relationship …

To be continued – Stay tuned ….

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