– By: Alexandra Kinias –
Disney’s fairy tales made us believe that Princes fall in love with lumberjacks’ daughters they meet in the forests, because they are bored with all the beautiful princesses living in all the castles in all the corners of the animated movies. And after the Prince asks the lumberjack for his daughter’s hand in marriage, they ride together into the sunset. The birds chirp on the trees and the royal couple lives happily ever after. The movie ends with a song that leaves us with misty eyes and a happy heart filled with hope that our prince charming is just a few castles away.
We love these happy endings in spite that they alter the perception of reality in young girls’ minds. In real life when the prince falls out of love, ends a relationship and rides alone looking for another lumberjacks’ or fishermen’s daughter, the ex-princesses are left in shock and bewilderment. With a plummeting self-esteem, a broken heart and battling pangs of rejection, they wonder what happened to the eternal love they were promised on their rides into the sunsets. It is not fair though that Disney Princesses don’t have to live in the real world or fall in love with real men.
Who is to blame for the failure of a relationship?
Since it takes two to tango, men constitute half of the equation in any relationship. Even though they are rarely the innocent party, yet it is still not fair to throw all the blame on their shoulders. Women are responsible for their share as well. And often, they misinterpret men’s behavior towards them, which drives them to become victims of their own misconceptions. They cling to failed relationships to postpone confrontations that - no matter how much they avoid – would eventually lead them to the painful, yet, inevitable truth.
The ‘M’ word
The vast majority of women get involved in relations with the desire to get married. Other than the obvious reasons to settle down and start a family, in some cultures women get married because of social, peer and family pressure, fear of loneliness, financial gain or a change of status. Marriage is a status symbol for women in cultures where unmarried middle aged women are looked down on. On the other hand, men start relationships for different reasons than women. And thus women’s expectations from a relationship are much higher than men’s, and so are their disappointments when it ends.
Men are curious creatures who are often confused. They are curious to learn more about you and confused about what they really want out of a relationship. An interest to know you better doesn’t mean your man is ready for a commitment. No one knows for sure what goes on in men’s minds. The majority of men would avoid commitment for as long as they can get by. They could be waiting for scientists to find life in another galaxy so they can plan the honeymoon. They might have taken a Cub Scout oath that he will never love another woman more than his kindergarten teacher. Or, they can’t get married until medical researchers discover a vaccine for stupidity. The point is it doesn’t matter. We are living in a world where women are on the receiving end of the engagement ring. And because of that women invest more time and emotions into relations and are more affected by their dynamics and outcomes.
In pursue of an engagement ring, a woman would ignore the flaws in the relationship and perhaps hope to win a man’s heart. But falling in love is not always enough reason for men to pop a marriage proposal. And men if are pressured to do so, while they are not yet emotionally or mentally ready to settle down, the pull back. A woman should pay close attention to changes in her man’s behavioral patterns. If all of a sudden a man is busy to call or to answer your call, he is breaking promises, playing games, becoming discreet or simply unavailable, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and not to defend or justify his behavior.
It is understandable that relations are addictive. Even if the neon signs are flashing in front of their eyes urging them to walk away, some women would cling to false expectations. They would waste their time in a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling in anticipation that the men will change. Unfortunately, they don’t. It’s important to realize when is the time to move on to save themselves from the emotional havoc that is coupled with post rejection trauma.
Six Tips for a More Successful Relationship …
To be continued – Stay tuned ….